A 7 step guide to conflict resolution
No experience needed (kind of)
One of the things I am enjoying the most about being a workshop designer and facilitator are all the new experiences and variety of work I am getting.
If I understand the problem or challenge a team is facing, and I know what they want the desired outcome to be, I can design a series of steps to help them achieve their goals. In theory, the type of industry or the type of problem that the team has doesn’t really matter.
For example, I was recently asked to mediate a conversation between two parties in conflict.
Conflict resolution usually involves two parties who have encountered a problem which escalated into conflict. Even if the two parties would like to resolve the conflict, the circumstances usually mean that this can be hard to do without the help of a third party to guide the conversation. That’s where I came in. It’s just a group of people who have a problem and a desired outcome (to resolve the conflict).
Before I was given the job I was asked if I had experience in conflict resolution. I very clearly and confidently explained that I did not have experience in conflict resolution. At all. I did talk about workshops I had done in the past which gave me relevant experience though. For example I was approached by a company who had identified a problem with sexism in the work place and wanted to do something about it. During this particular work shop it was important to created a safe environment where everyone could openly talk about the problems they recognised in the office. This would be key in any conflict resolution meeting.
So how did I approach the problem? In this post I will explain to you what I did in a way that you can confidently apply to any conflict resolution meeting you might be involved in.
The problem
I was approached by an organisation to help with a conflict that had arisen with one of their clients.
During any conflict emotions can run high making it difficult for the parties to resolve it themselves. The parties involved in a conflict it can find it hard to see the other side of the story meaning resolution is difficult to achieve.
For this reason, a third party (me) was asked to assist.
Preparation for the meeting
Saying that you are impartial and showing that you are impartial are two different things. It is important to establish your impartiality. Show that you are equally accessible and working for ALL people involved. You can do this by speaking individually with everyone who will be attending the meeting.
Ask questions which allow you to get a full picture of what happened from that person’s perspective
Ask what they hope to get out of the meeting
This is not the moment to offer advice or to dispute their version of events
Just listen
Be impartial
The 7 step meeting agenda
Introductions
Clearly explain the purpose of the meeting
Ground rules for respectful communication
Concise recap of events which led to the conflict
Acknowledging the impact of what happened
Generate ideas to solve the conflict
Select a course of action
Step 1: Introductions - Keep it simple
“Fun” ice-breakers may not be appropriate for these meetings. Try and judge this yourself of course but my instinct would be to start with simple and informative introductions. Make sure you are the first person to introduce yourself to give a clear example of what you expect others people.
Your name
Your role in this meeting and the organisation you represent
One very SHORT sentence saying what you hope to get out of this meeting
Example:
Kiran Chauhan (He/Him)
Independent mediator for this meeting
I want everyone to feel that they have shared their views, that they were listened to and that as a group, you were able to work towards a resolution.
Step 2: The purpose of the meeting
Miscommunication and ambiguity could well be the reason why a meeting like this is needed. Make sure it is clear to everyone what you are all here to do. Including what you are not here to do can be equally important.
Make it clear why everyone is here today
Explain what the intended outcome is
Example:
Discuss the impact of what happened in a way where everyone feels heard
We will work towards a resolution together
We are not here to assign blame
Step 3: Ground rules for respectful communication
During a conflict emotions can run high. It is important to set some rules to prevent this from happening and to help diffuse it if it does happen. Explicitly ask for agreement to these rules.
Example:
Wait until you are asked to speak
One person speaking at a time
Listen when someone else is talking
At times we will practice “Active listening”
Cameras and mics on (if it is a remote meeting)
What is “Active listening”?
Active listening is an important tool during conflict. It is about listening to fully understand what the person has said rather than listening to respond.
In many conversations people are busy thinking of a response rather than actually listening to what someone has to say. Active listening helps to avoid this.
How does active listening work?
Person A shares their point of view
Person B listens to Person A
Person B reflect back their understanding of what Person A just said
Person B can ask for clarification if they are not able to reflect
Person A confirms if this is correct or not and clarifies if needed
Person B is now able to respond and we repeat the process
Example of active listening
Person A: Sharing
Yesterday you came home and said hello to everyone except me. Don’t you like me??
Person B: Reflection
When I came home yesterday, I said hello to everyone but not you.
This made you think that I hate you.
That made you upset.
Person A: Clarification
It is correct that I was upset but I didn’t say I thought you hated me.
I just wondered if you still like me.
Person B: Responding
“Ok, i understand. Let me explain what happened….”
Step 4: Recap the events that led to the conflict
Based on the individual conversations you had before hand, give everyone a shared understanding of the events that led to the conflict.
Summarise the events that led to the conflict
Stick to the facts that all seem to agree on
Highlight disputed areas without making judgement
Be impartial
Step 5: Acknowledge the impact of what happened
During conflict people often focus on what the other party did or didn’t do. The aim is to assign or deflect blame. This can be destructive rather than constructive. Focus on how the events impacted each individual involved. This creates empathy and gives everyone a chance to have their say. Enforcing active listening means that everyone should also feel heard.
Ask each person to say how the events impacted them
Ask the other party to practice active listening
Keep doing this until everyone feels they have been heard.
Step 6: Generate solutions to solve the conflict
It isn’t until step 6 that we start to even think about fixing the problem. This was to ensure that there is consensus and understanding of the conflict first.
In this step we will move the focus away from the conflict and towards resolution.
Solutions can be generated in multiple ways.
Ask the group to individually generate ideas
Ask the group to provide feedback on all ideas presented
Use active listening if needed
Define a process for them explore those ideas and refine them
Keep conversations constructive
Step 7: Select a course of action
In the previous step numerous solutions were generated and discussed.
How do you decide how to move forward?
In a conflict it can be useful to make a decision based on consensus (where everyone agrees). It is harder, but it is a decision everyone would be happy with.
Making a decision based on the majority or a nominated decision maker (consent) is easier but can leave some people feeling unheard.
Define the process for making a decision then explain it to all involved
Link here to learn more about consensus vs consent decision making
Summary
Conflict resolution is just a problem to be solved
The highly charged nature of the situation means that more care needs to be taken with how people communicate with each other
This can be too intense to do in one session so you might want to split this over two sessions
Session 1: Discuss the problem and the impact
Session 2: Generating and selecting a solution
I would like one hour free consultation please. Kind regards. Herts.2019@yahoo.com